When she returned I was leaning back against the headboard thinking. Katrina climbed on the bed and laid her head on my shoulder."Don't worry, I wont try to steal you from your girlfriends," she said, misconstruing my thoughtful look for a frown."You've got that all wrong!" I said with some heat. "I made sure they knew how I felt about you from the minute we talked about commitments. I told them you were as important to me as... oof..."That's all I got out before she hurled herself on top of me."You told them you loved me that way?" she asked as she rained kisses on my face."I told them I loved you," I confirmed, "and I told them that however we ended up, you would always be in my life and in my heart."You know I was just being honest with Katrina by letting her know that she would always be special to me. I mean, after all, we had a tie that superseded relationship. We were genetically engineered to fit together perfectly. My admission of what I thought was obvious triggered. Three months into my sixteenth year, I had fucked three different girls besides Carolyn. I liked the sex, and I liked girls more than before, but I had that feeling we all get sooner or later that sex wasn't all I wanted. I was still lonely, and I think screwing girls made it worse because each time it was a new girl, I cared for her a little less. I still looked at boys, and in my heart of hearts, I had that vague loneliness a gay boy feels growing up. I wanted to find another boy like me, a boy I could love.Then Jason showed up at our house with Tyler, and the moment I saw him with my brother, my fantasy became that the "boy like me" would be a boy like Tyler.Not that he acted gay. He didn't. He seemed straight as any boy that age, but he was far too cute to not dream about. Tyler had thick chestnut hair and steel blue eyes. Not as tall as me, he was slimmer. Even at fourteen, he had a swimmer's build -- the wide shoulders, narrow hips. That first time I saw him, I was on a stool.
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